Tuesday, February 13, 2007

night sweats

I've been sleeping pretty poorly the past few days and it's starting to be not so fun. No matter how many pillows I pile up (four now) or how often I change position, I just can't seem to get comfortable. I lie awake thinking how irritated I am I can't fall asleep which just stresses me out and keeps me awake longer. If I do manage to nod off, I wake up every few hours from the pain in my hips and shoulders or the pressure on my bladder.

The latest annoying development has been my dreams. They've started taking on a dark tint: from the benign--but obnoxious--dream that I'm lying awake unable to sleep, to the more disturbing dreams about violence or pests (snakes, weasels, spiders, and beetles have become frequent nighttime visitors).

I think the latter are a reflection of my need to clean and secure the "nest" before the baby gets here, and these little nighttime invaders are a symbol of all I still want to accomplish. Most of you know how terrified I am of bugs, so spider attacks and bunny-eating snakes seem like somewhat excessive reminders to clean out my closet.

I keep thinking if I can just get my To Do list accomplished, this nagging sense of anxiety will fade. The truth is that list will never really be finished--there are always going to be new things To Do--and I need to come to terms with what is reasonable to expect from myself.

I need to get some perspective. I think it'll help if I get out of the house, take a walk, see a movie. I'll probably need a crowbar to pry me away from my latest projects, but if it'll keep the creepy-crawlies away at night it'll be well worth it.

2 comments:

Bachelor of Arts said...

insomnia sucks! Though it is kind of funny thinking about you dreaming of weasels and spiders. Pop goes the weasel!

Ms. Marie said...

I was like that when I was in my last months. I think the thing that was the worst and grossest was that I could feel my hips shift when I would switch sides when I would try to sleep...that, I don't miss.

~M