family of four

Welcome Lila Jae Doyle! Born at home on December 14, 1:38am. She's a healthy 7 lbs and already has us wrapped around her very little fingers.

things that are difficult about being 41 weeks pregnant

• Beginning every conversation with, "No, I haven't had a the baby yet."
• Following up with, "I have no idea when. It's not up to me."
• Thinking about the fact that my dad leaves in two days and probably won't get to meet this grand-baby for another three months
  
• Feeling River get more and more clingy as he senses the approaching changes in our family
  
• Staying awake for hours in the middle of the night willing myself to have a contraction
• Knowing there is absolutely nothing I can do about any of this

Physically I feel great. It's not easy to get up from a sitting position and I waddle like a duck, but other than that my body feels like it was made to be pregnant. The baby continues to move regularly, my appetite is good, and according to the midwife all my physical stats are great. I'm just so desperate for this stage to be over. I want nothing more to meet my new little one and start on this journey with our new, whole, complete family.

I'm resigned to waiting, but I'm not happy about it.

McRevelations

River took off the "i" key on my laptop this morning, and while Thom was able to stick it back on, it doesn't engage unless I slam down on it, so the following sentence looked like this the first time around:

Rver took off the " " key on my laptop ths mornng, and whle Thom was able to stck t back on, t doesn't engage unless slam down on t....

You get the I-dea. It's pretty much a pain in the ass. Thanks, kid.

But that's not what I'm really here to write about. I'm not sure what I'm going to write about, but MY GOD THERE ARE A LOT OF "I"S IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE!!

I'm 37.5 weeks pregnant and I had a little epiphany in McDonald's the other day. What was I doing in that greasy heart attack pit? Well, lately this baby has been making me eat copious, crazy amounts of food, and since it's hard to make handmade, healthy, organic fair 53 meals a day, I've been indulging. Maybe it's because River hadn't thrown a fit yet that morning, or some new hormones kicking in, or I was just overjoyed by the fried goodness of Mchash Mcbrowns, but I suddenly realized that I was ready for this baby to come.

Don't get me wrong - we fully intended to have a new child when Sweet Pea was concieved, but a theoretical new child is really different from adding a real-live squirmy, poopy, attention-sucking adorable little munchkin to your life. And up until that beautiful moment - sitting under a gigantic billboard for Mcfish sandwiches - I was feeling a more-than-vague sense of panic should my body choose THIS moment to go into labor.

But no more. Come what may, we will be ready. So the birth tub's not set up? So be it. I'll have the baby in the bed. My parents aren't in town yet? We'll make due until they get here. We're supposed to be hosting Thanksgiving? Well, what's better than setting a place for one more?

I feel good. And prepared. And huge and hungry all the time, but what's new?

I guess I haven't talked about the fact that we're planning a home birth (and that's a subject for an entirely different post), but knowing that the baby has made it to full gestation and I won't be forced into a hospital should I go into labor adds considerably to my sense of well-being.

Anyway, that's where I'm at. It's a pretty good place to be.

"Hit Donald again!"

We've been planning a little trip to Disneyworld for a while now and since River has had zero experience with old school Disney characters, we figured it might behoove us to introduce him to the giant mouse before we arrive. Of course YouTube offers a great selection of old cartoons and we watched a couple the other night.

The first one we found featured Mickey, Goofy, and Donald in an eviction scenario which rivaled the horror of an Itchy and Scratchy episode. Apparently, the kid loves violence, and every time someone got smashed in the head with a piano, stuffed into a fishbowl, or blown up by a leaky gas pipe River cracked up. Donald Duck received the brunt of the violence and something about his enraged responses pleased River to no end. Since then he's been talking about going to see Donald and doing his best impression of D-man's scratchy, throaty squawk.

We're watching an episode as I type this and while River cracks up the little one is kicking like mad. Guess it runs in the family.

a new addition

I can no longer zip my pants, morning vitamins have me running for the bathroom, and my #1 activity after eating is sleeping. I guess I can't keep it from you any longer: I'm pregnant!

I'm almost 11 weeks along which means the horrible morning (noon and night) sickness should be coming to a close before too long, and I hope my energy levels will rise above zombie soon as well. I shared the happy news with my family quite a while ago, but I've felt the need to keep this pregnancy private from, you know, the whole world for a little while. More than anything, I really just liked the idea of having a little secret.

And it's been wonderful. I have less time to ponder the new little one than I did in my first pregnancy, but I still find ways to ogle itty bitty clothes and fondly imagine how squishy and alien-looking this one will be when born. I talk to my little sweet pea, explaining how awesome our family is, and River has a growing sense that he will be a big brother in the days to come.

And you know that sign I was looking for? Well I was already pregnant when I asked, so I guess I got my answer. I'm glad that it was a bit of an unexpected surprise - I imagine I could have dragged my feet getting pregnant until River had kids of his own, and then I'd be the grandma with an infant and that would just be weird. And of course, the doubts are still there. I occasionally break out in cold sweats wondering what have we done?! But more often than not I am filled with a sense of purpose, of wonder, of overwhelming joy. Yes, even when I'm praying to the porcelain gods, I am pretty excited I have the chance to do this amazing thing all over again.

So that should explain a bit of why I have been somewhat absent from here lately. I'd pretty much rather sleep than do anything these days. But I expect finally having this news out in the open will inspire a whole slew of posts on the weighty days (har har) of pregnancy.