Wednesday, April 05, 2006

down with censorship!

I woke up this morning to find it simultaneously raining and snowing. Is that really possible?

It's a bit depressing when we had such beautiful weather last week, but I knew it couldn't last. And I'm not a cynic--I just happen to be realistic about the tease-you-and-freeze-you nature of Boston.

Along with a return to the cold, this morning brought with it unbelievably painful cramps. I spent hours in bed shifting from side to side, accidentally kicking Thom's shins, and cursing my female bits. I've had a dull throbbing pain the rest of the day, leaving me pretty much wiped out. I'm tired and I need chocolate.

I hope that the pain, embarrassment, and hassle of this particular aspect of womanhood isn't all for naught. I hope that when I eventually have kids, I can come to appreciate this as a trial, as a test of my resilience, proof that I have earned my right to motherhood. Because otherwise it's just another piece of shit women get to deal with right alongside unequal pay and leg waxing.

I'm obviously not moody at all, am I?

I'm usually hesitant to share intimate details like this--particularly the kind of details that tend to alienate the boys or turn my face beet red--but I'm finding it's just not that fun to censor myself anymore.

I have a strict "No Shit Talking" policy regarding my work. I'll talk about the specifics of my acting projects only when I have nice things to say, because I never know when something negative could come back to bite me in the ass.

It seems like an important policy if I hope to continue acting in Boston. But all that self-censorship goes against what I'm trying to do with this blog. I want to be honest about my life, I want to find patterns in my experiences and maybe learn something from them.

So if I have to censor aspects of my career, I am going to make a concerted effort not to censor things I don't have to--even if I think it'll make someone uncomfortable (including myself).

So here it is world: I have my period.

I've said it and I'm not completely mortified. I guess that's a start.

3 comments:

Mom said...

Hope you feel better. Sometimes it sucks to be a girl. Sometimes it's awesome and wonderful.
Love,
Mom

Andy said...

You said "I have a strict "No Shit Talking" policy regarding my work. I'll talk about the specifics of my acting projects only when I have nice things to say, because I never know when something negative could come back to bite me in the ass."

- I feel the EXACT same way! It absolutely @#$%!! kills me when I can't bitch about a project because I don't want to piss anyone off who may or may not be reading my blog. I HATE self-censorship.ARGH!

I feel better now...AND I obviously don't have my period.

Feel better, my friend.

Summer Ryan Doyle said...

glad I could help you scream it out, Andy.

I feel better today, and yes, mom, it's usually pretty cool being a girl.

:)