Monday, July 18, 2005

why am I still awake?

It's about two-ay-em here and I should be marching upstairs to go to bed, but I just can't bring myself to. I went out with Curt after rehearsal tonight to get a bite to eat and we ended up chatting for a solid two hours. That was fantastic, but it means my "winding down" time was pushed back a bit further and here I am way past my bedtime still wide awake.

I've been thinking about friendship a lot lately--how I'd like to have more close friends who live in my city. Adulthood hasn't been great for my social life. I've been unbelievably lucky to find Thom, but I think the karmic price for having such a perfect mate is social solitude in other respects.

My best friends at the moment live in California, Indiana, Georgia, NYC, and Germany. I can't exactly catch a movie or go shopping with them. For the most part they don't know my day-to-day gossip, and I sometimes forget vital details about their life, like who they're dating or where they're working.

These are people I've known and loved for years, and some of them, I'm certain, will always be in my life.

But it makes me wonder if I will ever forge lasting bonds with people I can actually see for more than a few days a year. Why is it so difficult to find new friends as an adult? Maybe it's because I don't have a day job or I'm introverted or I'm married. Maybe it's because I move so often.

Or maybe I'm just not that cool.

Increasingly, it feels like the search for new relationships is not only appealing but vital to my survival. So I go out with a cast mate for a late meal in the hopes that something will click, that a new bond will be formed. And I spill my guts into this stupid computer. And not a lot changes.

I'm lucky to have California & Indiana & Georgia & NYC & Germany. I just sometimes wished I had Boston too.


Andy said...


I am breaking my "troll" status by responding to your post about friendships.

Adulthood means that friendships are made through your workplace or your neighborhood. Unfortunately, work does not allow recess so that friends may be made during a game of kickball and some neighborhoods are increasingly insular in nature.


Friendships, like relationships, always seem to come along when you least expect them. From what I know of you so far I can only conclude that if there are friendships to be made among your chosen profession (one that you clearly excel at)that you, my friend, will make them.

jenn marsala said...

California here...

I'd like to start by saying that no one who is "uncool" would ever wear that super fun t-shirt you just bought. And then I'd like to get sappy and say the following...

I'm so blessed to have you. Everyone deserves a friend like you. And if you're having trouble finding one, it's simply because most people don't know what's good for them (vegetables...and Summer).

And in closing I'd like to add, if you moved to California we'd be lunching right now. Just a couple of old best friends enjoying a soy latte cappucino and wondering if "it's raining outside," despite the perpetually sunny weather.

love you,