back in the swing

I've spent the last week and a half on a little personal vacation at home. It's gone something like this: wake up, stay in bed and read a sci-fi novel while the cats snuggle with me, get up for some breakfast, ignore email, phone messages, and social obligations, maybe do the dishes or empty the garbage, surf the internet, fix lunch, take a nap, maybe take a shower or a walk, cook some dinner, welcome my handsome, hard-working husband home, watch a little tv, read myself to sleep. After a first trimester filled with filming, Hamlet, house guests, traveling, more filming, doctor appointments, more traveling, not to mention intense changes in diet, overwhelming fatigue, frequent nausea, and sore boobs, it was heavenly to have a break and do absolutely nothing.

It was something I desperately needed, but I'm starting to get restless and feel the need to be productive tugging at me again. I'd like to shift my focus to getting the house ready for the baby--there are a million projects I plan to get done: decorate the nursery, organize every single closet, unpack boxes, rearrange bookshelves, organize the kitchen cabinets, and perform an industrial cleaning on the house. I'm gearing up for "nesting mode." For the first time since I became pregnant, my energy level is high enough that I can actually conceive of accomplishing these things.

So far all the hype is true: the second trimester rocks! I can see a little bulge in my belly now; not massive, but I'm definitely rounder than before. I love the little bump, and I'm constantly touching and having conversations with it. The Sesame Seed (who is actually about the size of a lemon now) and I have become great pals, discussing everything from the funny gurgle noises my belly makes to why mommy uses such strong language when she's driving. We sing to the belly at night--The Beatles and Death Cab for Cutie are favorites--and I imagine my little person floating and squirming around happily.

I bought some new clothes to accommodate my changing body, and while they flatter my small bump, I've since realized that they really highlight how ginormous my boobs have gotten. It's like two alien lumps have taken up residence on my chest, and I can't help but stare at them. From all I've read, they're only going to get bigger from here on out, and the thought terrifies me. What am I going to do with two monstrous torpedoes on my chest? I suppose my husband would have a clever answer for that...

A little detour: When I was first engaged, I was just starting an internship at a theatre in New York and in my introduction to everyone there I made it clear that I was super excited about getting married, but I didn't want to be that girl who only talked about her upcoming nuptials. Until recently I've approached pregnancy in the same way--not wanting my posts to be consumed with baby talk, not wanting to lose my self-image as a whole, complex person, not just a baby-making machine. But as much as I might fight it, this baby is on my mind all the time, so instead of posting about other things going on, I just haven't been posting at all. I've come to realize that my life revolves around the Sesame Seed right now, so if I'm being honest, my posts are going to reflect that.

I hope acknowledging that fact will make it easier for me to post more frequently again (having a bit more energy will help too).