Number 11: Not allowed to join the Communist Party

We're enjoying the last day of our trip to Vegas (which explains the lack of posts this weekend). The purpose of our visit was to see Thom's surrogate brother, Scott, off to Afghanistan, where he'll be serving in the national guard for the next year. (Don't ask me why he's not, you know, serving NATIONALLY.) He pointed me in the direction of a blog his friend has written about all the things you cannot do in the U.S. Military (he's field-tested them just to make sure). Here are a few excerpts:

80. Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions.

81. May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal dance.

82. May not form any press gangs.

83. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with “I recently had an experience I just had to write you about….”

84. Must not use military vehicles to “Squish” things.

To see 213 more examples, head over to Skippy's List.

I'll bow if he's nice and soft

Two more hilarious time-sucks I've found recently...

Passive Aggressive Notes

















Fail Blog

...the dogs die

I've been spending way too much time on youtube lately. For those of you who miss those awkward junior high sex ed classes, I give you "Sensual Stretching." (Grandma, you can skip this one):

amazing cakes

A few samples from the brilliant blog my husband directed me to last night, Cake Wrecks:

lawnmower woman

As you can tell, I'm feeling a little unhappy with the way my blog looks lately. One day I will get around to figuring out how to overhaul my design, but until that day, we'll all just have to live with a nip here and a tuck there.

Technology is generally not my friend. I'd much rather have a hammer or glue gun in my hand. I can intuit how to hang a picture, how to sew a purse, how to cook a new dish (or if push comes to shove I can actually read the directions). Give me something to do with my hands and I will sing a happy song. But figuring out how the crazy guts of a computer works is like reading in Japanese. BACKUP how? HTML what?

My brain has no intuitive sense of technology. There's not a cell in my body that would know how to create a website or install a new program without step-by-step instructions and much hand-holding. And as much as I can appreciate the things technology gives me (easy access to email, new music at the push of a button, pictures of wicked cute critters) something in me is so put off by the whole idea of the secret workings of a machine, I'd rather sit in the corner reading a novel by lamplight than have to get a new computer up and running. (Do you have any idea how long it took me to figure out how to include a link or picture in my posts? MONTHS!)

Right now the idea of customizing my blog is paramount to carving out someone's spleen. Which means this technophobe is going to live with a crappy, generic template until I just get so sick of it I want to claw my eyes out (based on how I'm feeling now, that could be sooner rather than later).

nerdfotainment

If you are at all familiar with this blog you will know that I freely admit I'm a huge nerd. It's actually a great source of pride.

My husband steered me toward this post about our ilk:

According to my math, there is a huge pile of nerds who are traipsing around their 30s. This is the Apple ][ generation and they’re making some bucks...

Advertisers love these 30-somethings because they have large disposable incomes. Consequently, content creators love them as well, which means that for content creators to generate their own piles of cash, they need to develop entertainment targeted at the nerd demographic.

Go nerds!

can you guess which one we've done?

I have no idea what this website is about, as I am one of those completely ignorant Americans whose only exposure to a foreign language was two useless years of high French from which I have retained the ability to say "I love ham" and "turn right" ... or left, I can never remember the difference. (Although, I can still sing a passing version of the French national anthem.)

Regardless, Make Me Minimal has made my day for providing this bit of entertainment:

hillary vs. obama

man cold

Discovered at Dooce: