River and Lila News: 35 months/12 weeks

Dear River and Lila,

Is it wrong of me to measure the success of my parenting by how much I get out of the house? By how much you sleep? It feels like my absences from you signify balance in my life, faith that you will be happy without me. Or maybe I'm just neglecting the heck out of you. Either way, I do feel happy. I have been getting out, seeing friends, experiencing the world (more or less), and I don't feel one ounce of guilt for it. Perhaps that's the difference between a first and second-time parent; I can leave you without feeling excruciating pain.


This has come in handy of late since you, River, have started giving up your naps. You fall asleep about every other day, and while you may not need the extra sleep, I'm still waking up at least a couple times before morning to feed your sister and I depend on those moments of peace to function. Without a little down time in the afternoon I turn into a grunting, thrashing Frankenstein. So we've worked out a little compromise: you leave me alone for an hour (if you can't sleep, you read or play by yourself) and I try not to be a gigantic beastie in the afternoon. You're nearly three years old, so while it still tugs at me that you might cause yourself harm or tear down the house, that guilt and worry is not great enough to make me skip my nap.


I suppose there's evidence that you could cause some damage while I sleep. Take an incident from a few weeks ago. You were on a real Tic Tac bend (please don't get me started on how you were even exposed to Tic Tacs), and since they were within your reach on the dining table you were popping them like, well, candy. Before your nap, I put them on top of a 7 ft armoire in the dining room so you couldn't reach them. Silly me to let you see where they were. While I was in my bedroom trying to nap, you started a little project to liberate the Tic Tacs. I could hear a thump, then a few seconds later another one, then another. After about three minutes of listening to you work on something in the dining room I walked out to see you stacking your picture books next to the armoire. I'll admit, I should have worked it out a bit quicker (see above re: sleep deprivation) but it took some probing for me to get it out that you were building yourself a stairway to the Tic Tacs. And you know what I did? Rewarded your cleverness and gave you one. Seriously, if you can engineer your way to something you want, I think that deserves some kind of positive reinforcement. (I may regret that when you've built a time machine in the basement.)


Your ingenuity and cleverness shine through more every day. You are becoming an amazing story teller and have really worked on creating fun scenarios for us to act out. Lots of your story-lines are derived from Richard Scarry books (whose work sometimes make me want to gouge my eyes out, but hey, you love him), and you want us to be firemen or bakers or underwater robots (a River original plotline). You pretty much always have a plan for what games we could play, what activities to do. A few years from now you're going to have a little playground entourage of kids who follow you around and do your bidding. All the other kids will probably find you incredibly bossy and annoying. But that's the price of leadership, I suppose.


As for your language, I can't even say it's "developing" anymore. It's pretty well developed. You grasp so much and your father and I have no need to talk down to you or use small words. If you don't understand a word, you ask what it means. Most of the time you can then use it yourself. Aside from your vocabulary, your syntax is so adult. It's clear that you mimic the way dad and I talk and it makes me crack up when you bust out with, "I sure do like these grapes," or, "So how's it going, uncle Kevin?" You still have a few quirks, but they're fading. I'll be so sad when you no longer say "got-for" instead of "forgot" and "rec-T" instead of "T-Rex." Please stay my little boy a little longer, okay?


And Lila. You are amazing. I couldn't imagine an easier, happier baby. River and I drag you around to playdates, museums, yoga and art classes, and you just take it all in stride. You nap, eat, and play on the road and it doesn't - yet - seem to be a problem.

You like to watch what's going on, and increasingly you like to be held in an upright position. Your neck muscles are getting really strong and soon we'll be able to put you in the bumbo chair where you'll be able to sit up on your own and see the whole room. You still love to watch your brother and, other than a strange fascination with licking your face, he treats you like a princess.


You've started grabbing for toys and you love a good crinkle or bell. You can get objects to your mouth - a washcloth, octopus toy, or your fingers - and you suck away happily. You already have a favorite stuffed animal - a little bear blankie that you smile at and hug close. It pretty much kills me with cuteness. Your eye contact is great, and you give me the most amazing smiles when you first wake up. You love it when I get real close and make google eyes at you and talk silly nonsense. But you don't need constant stimulation. You're great about entertaining yourself, and you've given me ample time to sew and work on craft projects.


We've worked out your evening feeding schedule - it involves a bottle, an early bedtime, and me pumping some - and it seems to be making everyone happy right now. You still sleep incredibly well, and if I nurse you just before I go to sleep you'll sometimes stay down until 5am. To friends without parents that doesn't sound so great, but let me tell you, you would win the gold medal for baby sleep.


You guys are rocking my world right now. I love you both so much and I feel so lucky to be your mom.

xoxoxoxo,
Mommy

Happy Birthday to my man (and lots of other random stuff)

Thirty-seven years ago today, the most amazing man was born. I feel extraordinarily lucky to call him my husband, and I hope we can be together to celebrate another 100 birthdays.

We spent the morning sleeping in (okay, Thom slept in and I got up to turn on cartoons for River and finsh making a cake). It's a chocolate cake with oreo cream filling and chocolate butter cream icing I made from scratch. Been a while since I was this ambitious in the kitchen and I think it will taste great.


After breakfast (egg sandwiches from Petsi Pies) the boys went outside to play while I put the finishing touches on the cake. Then Lila and I joined them. We played pirates who own a paper company and River ran the wood chipper. As you can see, Lila was a totally awesome pirate.


Thom's present from the kids was this painting (they did the feet, I did the heart).


His folks sent some fun T-shirts. The packaging was pretty out of control:


Last night we ventured out to our friend Jonathan's art show at the University Place Gallery. It was quite a lovely party - a beautiful quartet playing and lots of fancy people mingling. Jonathan's work is fantastic and whimsical and he sold three pieces. It was great to see him again after so long.



We took the Banks Street Doyles with us, then followed up with dinner at Fire and Ice. With mobs of people, crazy-hungry-overstimulated boys, and really poor service, it was a dinner not to repeat. I think we've discovered our Friday night ritual of delivery pizza and a rented movie is just perfect.

Tonight the kids will stay home with Megan and the grown-ups get to go out. I think cocktails and a mad hatter will be involved. But for now, River has skipped his nap and Lila's pudgy cheeks are calling to me. Hope you're all having as nice a Saturday as me.

I can make more than just babies

It all started with some shelves.

I take that back. It started with our sitter. We hired Megan last fall and after falling in love with her she lost her housing and was considering moving back to Oregon. Desperate to not have to break in a new sitter just as the baby was coming into our home, we offered to let her live in our spare room. It's all worked out better than we could have imagined, but that's a story for another time.

The point I was getting to is we had to make some changes to that spare room. One of them was taking out a massive shelf full of books and clearing off a second shelf for her to use. We moved those books to the library/craft room where most of our other books were, and while piles of disorganized books crowding the space certainly made us look well-read, it was not exactly the decorating choice I preferred.


So we got new shelves. I loved them, but they needed book ends. After researching metal book ends and finding nothing I liked, I came across an Etsy shop that sold fabric book ends and I thought - Hey, I can do that! Thus, it started with shelves.



I sewed a dozen book ends out of fabric that was just waiting for a project like this and filled them with rice. Once I got them set up and the books organized, I was totally caught by the crafting bug. So the next weekend I followed up that project by making a table runner.

I've experimented with quilting before and I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. But the wavy edges tells me I should actually read a book and learn how you're supposed to quilt instead of just making it up on my own.



After two weekends spent in creative mode, I seemed to be in a rhythm, so I followed that project with one for Lila. I was inspired by this tutorial on making cloth blocks for babies and embarked on that project next. I'm pretty much in love with how they've turned out. There are tags on the sides and they're embroidered with ABC and 123. The second block has a bell and the third has crinkle material inside.



Lila has already shown an interest in them and she's even tried to grab at one.


I'm loving being in the creative mode (which was most likely the inspiration for my new hair color). I'm making things all the time; from journaling, to sewing, to cooking every night. It's a good place for me. I'm not quite ready to go back into crafting as a business, but these are certainly the first steps.

out of tune, with love

Today is the 64th birthday of Julie Doyle, River and Lila's paternal grandmother, otherwise known as Oma. Thom put together this video as her present. I think he had to sift through 50 hours of footage of River and Finn fighting to get these 4 minutes of cute. Still, that hand holding scene is incredible...

Double click the video to get the full screen version

drop that bottle!

On Monday I take River to the indoor playground in Watertown so he can get some wiggles out and I can escape the house for a while. Lila has a runny nose and cough, and being carried in the ergro keeps her upright and her nose cleared, so that's where she stays for most of the trip. When she wakes up a few hours in, I feed her and let her have a little playtime out of the carrier. We find this cute toy hanger-thingy (what the heck is that called?) and I set her down. She loves her playmat at home and this is no different.

After a minute a little girl (pictured) comes over to us carrying a bottle full of milk and, almost before I can stop her, shoves the bottle into Lila's face, saying, "Oh, that's a baby. She needs milk!" Horrified as I am to see some unknown bottle of formula? breastmilk? contaminated goat drippings? hurling toward my little girl's face, I feel very proud of myself for not physically tossing that little harbinger of germs away from my daughter. I explain, that, No, she doesn't need any milk. You should keep if for yourself, in a voice that sounds reasonable enough to me, but probably has more than a little bite to it.

The little girl tells me that the bottle isn't hers, and with a bit more prodding I discover she just found it somewhere and thought the best place for it was my daughter's mouth. My first thought is who is taking care of this child and why are they letting her pilfer some poor baby's bottle? My next thought is where the hell is this person and why are they letting her shove said bottle in my baby's face?! I look around but can't see anyone in the immediate vicinity who looks like they're with little miss milkmaid. I can't even see anyone glancing in her direction to keep an eye on her.

I ask the little girl who she's there with but she can't give a straight answer. She starts to bring toys over to Lila, which is a sweet gesture, but I'm so annoyed by the person not watching this girl I'm having a hard time mustering a smile. The last straw finally comes when a gigantic booger slips out of her nose and she wipes it with her hand then reaches down for another toy to hand Lila. And that's it for me. I can't pretend to be nice to her anymore, I can't take on the duties of nanny when I've got two of my own already (did I mention River is taking this opportunity of mommy's distraction to drop the hanging toys onto Lila's face?). I gently suggest she go find a tissue while my brain is screaming something with a few more four letter words in it.

And off she runs, as sweet as can be, to the woman 30 feet away who has been on her cell phone looking in the other direction the entire time.Cell Phone Lady doesn't smile at the girl, or help her with her nose. She just shoos the girl away to play in another room and goes back to her call.

I'm disgusted with myself for not being nicer when that girl is obviously just looking for someone to play with. But don't get me wrong: I'm infinitely more disgusted with the woman (mommy or sitter) who isn't taking care of that little girl. It's something I see often, but it doesn't get any easier. It still makes me want to punch that neglectful asshole in the face.

Breathe, momma bear. Breathe.

River and Lila News: 34 months/7 weeks

Dear River and Lila,

I can't believe how lucky I am. All the fears I had about how difficult it would be to have two kids have dissipated. I feel happy. And complete. That's not to say this parenting thing is easy. Lila you are still an infant, and River, you are most definitely a toddler. I juggle a lot and feel pulled in about 50 different directions all day, but I am not frantic. I'm not sad or overwhelmed. I feel like a mom who has her stuff reasonably well together.


Lila, you are a wonder. Where River can be prickly, hard-edged, and so intense, you are soft and yielding and quiet. You are a deep, slow breath. Where River has a ferocious desired to know, to do, to be, you are content to sit back and observe. You take the world in at your own steady pace.


I know we - your mom and dad - can take a small amount of credit for your contentment, but I think we will see in years to come that it is simply your nature to be easy-going, that you have taken on the role of zen master in this house of high-strung neurotics.


In general you are incredibly easy to make happy. If you are fed, dry, and well-rested the world is grand. You will sit contentedly on your playmat or in your bouncy chair watching the action or flirting with your brother. You have smiles for River like no other and you watch him as he moves around the room.


In the first few weeks of your life, the most difficult part of my day was the evening when you would be desperate to nurse for hours and hours. But even that wasn't so hard - I'd sit reading a book, watching TV, or just staring into your beautiful face while you comforted yourself. Slowly you eased off the boob and now you sleep a bit between nursing sessions in the evening and don't exhibit that frantic need anymore.


You still sleep A LOT. You take a long morning nap, play a little at lunch, and nap again all afternoon. I forgot how much infants sleep - I mean aren't you missing out on valuable crying time? Your dad and I have talked about how maybe you aren't as alert and engaged in the world as your brother was, and maybe you don't have the strength he did at your age, but you have the best thing we could have asked for: YOU SLEEP. You sleep for a 4 or 6 hour chunk before your first nighttime feeding, then you go right back down. I don't have to fight you, I don't have to think of 50 ways to calm you. You nurse, get comfy in your swaddle, get a pacifier and the noise machine, and you are out. It is the best present any parent could get.


You are a voracious eater and have gained nearly three pounds and 2 inches since you were born. Like your brother, you have a massive capacity for spit up, and I can count on you drenching me at least once every other day. You have gorgeous red hair and beautiful blue eyes, and you're building pudge like a walrus. I love that you're spending more time alert these days - the eye contact you make, the smiles you give me melt my heart. You're starting to coo just a little bit and I think soon you'll recognize that you have hands. You are everything I could ask for in a little girl. Just perfect.


As for you, River, you are an amazing big brother. You are so gentle with Lila, so patient when we need to give her attention, and so proud to show her off to your friends. I was afraid you would be too rough with her or resent all the time she gets with mom and dad, but you have been such an absolute champ.


I try not to make comparisons between you and your sister, but it's impossible not to - you are simply such different creatures. When we named you, your dad and I imagined a peaceful brook, a winding stream where one might go to philosophize or toss stones. You, River, are not a quiet creek. You are raging rapids, tumultuous white waters broken by cracked and spiky boulders. You are fun and spontaneous, smart and inventive, but you are not easy to navigate. Your toddler days are like the waterfall at the end of that wild river, and your dad and I are paddling as hard as we can to keep from being pulled down into the deep.


Let me give you a picture from a typical day: one afternoon you woke from your nap in a particularly nasty mood. You called out for me, but when I came you didn't want me there. You called out for daddy with the same results. You wanted nap to be done, but you didn't know what you wanted in its place. You wanted to play but you didn't want out of your crib. You turned down everything we offered, and when we gave you some more time to wake up and sort yourself out, you were upset we weren't sticking around. This went on for about 20 minutes. At one point I offered to lift you out of your crib again, and you said, "No I don't want to!" Very calmly and gently I replied, "Don't worry, honey, we're not going to make you do anything you don't want to." To which you responded, "NO! You can't say that!"

That's you in a nutshell, little man.


It's hard being two going on three. You're like a teenager: thinking you know everything there is to know and having to put up with parents who are so dumb and so cruel. I know these day won't last, but they're tough on all of us. You're a fighter, River, and one day those traits that make you so hard to live with as a toddler will make you such an amazing man. You will stand up for yourself and your beliefs. You will be creative and confident. You will have a determination I can only imagine. I am so proud of you, and while raising you isn't an easy task, it is an infinitely rewarding one.


I love you both, my little dears. You are each in your own way just what I always wanted.

Mommy

welcome to the jungle

I finally had one of those mornings I've been dreading all along. I started the day off right by walking into River's room and unknowingly WAKING HIM UP. What the hell? The first rule of parenting is: Do Not Wake A Sleeping Child. We'd had a long night before (River screaming, Lila screaming, mommy and daddy weeping into our vodka glasses), so I shouldn't have been surprised he slept in late. But it was past 8am and I couldn't imagine he'd still be in the crib when I walked into the nursery to change Lila's diaper (yes, he's still sleeping in there in protest of the monsters that live in his bedroom). So I flip on the light and set Lila on the changing table when I hear a very frustrated little boy yell, "Mommy don't!" behind me and that set the stage for a morning of chaos and fussiness.

Thom had to leave for work shortly thereafter, and River wanted to play with trucks, so I took the two kids down to his room. We spent an hour and a half in there and I swear he spent the entire time planning what he would do with his trucks, but never actually got to the playing. Meanwhile I'm looking at the clicking clock, thinking about the Christmas packages I have to take to the post office today (yes, you read that correctly), the dwindling time River's got to be outside, and the tantrum he's going to have when I have to drag him back home for his nap before he's ready. I finally manage to pull him away from the non-play downstairs and shuffle him and Lila upstairs to get ready to face the cold.

I get a diaper bag packed and sit him on the potty; I check my face - decide make-up isn't worth the time - and River finishes his business (I kid you not) 15 minutes later. Meanwhile Lila wakes up hungry and proceeds to nurse, spit up, poop, and nurse some more. I have a protracted argument with River about the necessity of bringing 2 sippy cups with us (but mom, I need this orange one with old water and I need this orange one with new water), wrestle both kids into snow gear, and get out the door two and a half hours after we woke up.

River does an awesome job at the post office and I promise him a trip to StellaBella Toys as a reward only to discover that they're opening late due to inventory. I try to explain why my toddler can't have the special treat he's been promised and officially enter the third level of hell. We go next door to S&S for an early lunch (and a hot chocolate bribe) and River spends the entire time telling me he's going to stay there and wait for StellaBella to open. In spite of my protests that, No, he will need a nap before then and we can't stay at the diner playing with sugar packets for two hours, he does not hear the voice of reason. We eat (he ignores his sandwich in favor of french fries), I wrestle the snow gear back on, and drag him out the door while toting a very agreeable Lila in the Ergo. We get back to the house, spend another half an hour not-playing with trucks, and he pitches a screaming fit at nap time because he didn't get to not-play long enough. After refusing books, songs, and stories three times I shut him in the nursery and let him cry himself to sleep.

Thus endeth my fantastic morning. (The really funny thing is so little of the drama was caused by Lila I can't blame it on having two kids. The toddler seemed to manage the chaos just fine on his own.)

cuteness

two weeks later and still in my pajamas

I have officially been a mother of two for 16 days and I can only imagine things going better if I had a 24 hour on-call masseuse and a private Ben and Jerry's store in my basement. This is largely due to the fact that Thom's parents were here for a week and a half of toddler wrangling, and now Thom has a whole week off from work to pick up the slack.

Oh yes, we've had meltdowns and tantrums, we've had blowouts and projectile vomiting, we've had little sleep and less downtime... BUT, we've also had lots of laughs, lots of snuggles, and lots of time together relishing our new family.

Lila is proving to be an exceptionally easy baby to read. She's simple in her needs: feed me, change me, burp me, get me to sleep. If I can accomplish those things, she's a blissful little girl. The biggest challenges right now are feeding her as much as she wants (she likes to nurse pretty much nonstop from 8pm to 11pm) and holding her as much as she likes. Thom takes care of River's bedtime so I can do the evening feed, and the Ergo helps me hold her without giving up use of my arms completely. Even though it seems like a lot, if I think back to how much I held River during the first months of his life, I'm not spending a fraction of that time on Lila. I'm much more willing to put her down and let her entertain herself than I was with River. I don't go rushing in to rescue her from every snort and sigh, and consequently, she's learning to soothe herself much more readily. Some might read that and think I'm short-changing my second child, but I think she will be so much better off with the skills she learning. She will be better adjusted and, just as importantly, she will have a better adjusted mommy.

River has had some tough times this month, but I think it has to do more with his fatigue of company and less with Lila. By the end of their trip, Thom's parents had endured some pretty snotty behavior from the kid - telling them he didn't want their help, wasn't going to talk to them, wasn't going to do what they said. His need for mommy and daddy was intense, and now that Thom's had some time off, River seems happier. His biggest jealousy issue is that Lila gets to sleep in our room and he doesn't. We tried to let him stay in our bed one night this week and it was pretty much a disaster. After Lila's first feeding in the middle of the night, he was awake for another two hours telling us he thought it was wake-up time. Needless to say it is an experiment we will not be repeating.

Aside from having Thom around, another thing taking the pressure off right now is the generous preparation of meals that my friends are doing. About a dozen of the women from my moms' group have taken it upon themselves to cook a meal for us over the next few weeks. It is such a load off knowing we have dinner covered every other day (and can often stretch the leftovers even further), and I am so thankful for their wonderful gift to us.

And speaking of gifts, the best Christmas present we've received this year is the work grandmas Janie and Julie did to POTTY TRAIN RIVER! Yes, that boy is now officially peeing on the potty entirely during the day. He's still in diapers for nighttime, but he's totally in undies once he wakes up. We've had quite a few days without any accidents, and I am so proud of him (and so amazed that it happened right in the midst of a new baby coming). It's pretty much the last thing I thought would happen this month.

Finally, I have to brag just a little because I was shocked to discover yesterday that I have already lost the "baby weight" (this, in spite of the fact that I'm eating anything and everything I can get my hands on). That doesn't mean my shape is anywhere near where I want it to be (my Wii trainer says I'm still fat), but between eating pretty healthy during the pregnancy, burning up calories nursing, and chasing after two kids, I'm 4 lbs lighter than when I got pregnant. Whoo hoo! I went shopping for some non-pregnancy clothes yesterday and was so pleasantly surprised at the sizes I fit into. I think it's a good start for the new year, and I'm hoping to follow through with better eating and work-out habits.

Once Thom goes back to work next week, I know it's going to be rough adjusting to parenting solo most of the time. Our sitter will take some pressure off, but it's nothing compared to having two full-time parents around. I hope I can carry some of the calm and confidence I have right now into the coming months. I would love nothing more than to be this relaxed and happy all the time.

Merry Christmas!

check the awesome hair

Tante Crystal and Oma went shopping so Lila has some great new girly clothes. I love the polka dot onsie and bed head.

little squeeker

Here we are at day four and things just couldn't be going better. River is totally smitten with his sister and is always demanding his turn to hold her. He's been acting out with the grown-ups in his life but has shown no resentment or anger toward Lila (well, except one passing comment about putting her on the stove, but I'd say that's to be expected of a two year old).

Lila is a fantastic eater and an amazing sleeper. We've had two nights in a row where she's slept for chunks of 4 hours at a time. I know it can't possibly last, but I'll take the rest while I can get it. She's generally very mellow and content to nurse or sit in someone's arms. She likes to be near warm bodies and squeaks like a mouse when she's lonely. She wails like a banshee when she's hungry or getting changed, and she manages to spit up on whatever outfit we put her in seconds after.

Lila's daddy is so obviously in love. He had to be out of town one night this week and when he got home he held her for hours just staring at her. That stupid grin on his face made me fall in love with him all over again.

So far life as a second-time parent is much easier. We're calmer and she seems calmer (I love my River but that kid is demanding!). I feel incredibly blessed right now.

family of four

Welcome Lila Jae Doyle! Born at home on December 14, 1:38am. She's a healthy 7 lbs and already has us wrapped around her very little fingers.

things that are difficult about being 41 weeks pregnant

• Beginning every conversation with, "No, I haven't had a the baby yet."
• Following up with, "I have no idea when. It's not up to me."
• Thinking about the fact that my dad leaves in two days and probably won't get to meet this grand-baby for another three months
  
• Feeling River get more and more clingy as he senses the approaching changes in our family
  
• Staying awake for hours in the middle of the night willing myself to have a contraction
• Knowing there is absolutely nothing I can do about any of this

Physically I feel great. It's not easy to get up from a sitting position and I waddle like a duck, but other than that my body feels like it was made to be pregnant. The baby continues to move regularly, my appetite is good, and according to the midwife all my physical stats are great. I'm just so desperate for this stage to be over. I want nothing more to meet my new little one and start on this journey with our new, whole, complete family.

I'm resigned to waiting, but I'm not happy about it.

And we're off...

Last night I woke up with some light, intermittent contractions and had the urge to get up and cook a giant pot of chili at 1am (I don't scrub toilets, my nesting instincts lead me straight to food). Needless to say, I think I'm in the early stages of labor. River took days and days to arrive from the start of my first contractions and since they've been so slow today, I won't be surprised if we don't see Sweet Pea for a few days yet.

But things are moving, and that makes me very happy. Wish us luck in the hours and days ahead!