I finally had one of those mornings I've been dreading all along. I started the day off right by walking into River's room and unknowingly WAKING HIM UP. What the hell? The first rule of parenting is: Do Not Wake A Sleeping Child. We'd had a long night before (River screaming, Lila screaming, mommy and daddy weeping into our vodka glasses), so I shouldn't have been surprised he slept in late. But it was past 8am and I couldn't imagine he'd still be in the crib when I walked into the nursery to change Lila's diaper (yes, he's still sleeping in there in protest of the monsters that live in his bedroom). So I flip on the light and set Lila on the changing table when I hear a very frustrated little boy yell, "Mommy don't!" behind me and that set the stage for a morning of chaos and fussiness.
Thom had to leave for work shortly thereafter, and River wanted to play with trucks, so I took the two kids down to his room. We spent an hour and a half in there and I swear he spent the entire time planning what he would do with his trucks, but never actually got to the playing. Meanwhile I'm looking at the clicking clock, thinking about the Christmas packages I have to take to the post office today (yes, you read that correctly), the dwindling time River's got to be outside, and the tantrum he's going to have when I have to drag him back home for his nap before he's ready. I finally manage to pull him away from the non-play downstairs and shuffle him and Lila upstairs to get ready to face the cold.
I get a diaper bag packed and sit him on the potty; I check my face - decide make-up isn't worth the time - and River finishes his business (I kid you not) 15 minutes later. Meanwhile Lila wakes up hungry and proceeds to nurse, spit up, poop, and nurse some more. I have a protracted argument with River about the necessity of bringing 2 sippy cups with us (but mom, I need this orange one with old water and I need this orange one with new water), wrestle both kids into snow gear, and get out the door two and a half hours after we woke up.
River does an awesome job at the post office and I promise him a trip to StellaBella Toys as a reward only to discover that they're opening late due to inventory. I try to explain why my toddler can't have the special treat he's been promised and officially enter the third level of hell. We go next door to S&S for an early lunch (and a hot chocolate bribe) and River spends the entire time telling me he's going to stay there and wait for StellaBella to open. In spite of my protests that, No, he will need a nap before then and we can't stay at the diner playing with sugar packets for two hours, he does not hear the voice of reason. We eat (he ignores his sandwich in favor of french fries), I wrestle the snow gear back on, and drag him out the door while toting a very agreeable Lila in the Ergo. We get back to the house, spend another half an hour not-playing with trucks, and he pitches a screaming fit at nap time because he didn't get to not-play long enough. After refusing books, songs, and stories three times I shut him in the nursery and let him cry himself to sleep.
Thus endeth my fantastic morning. (The really funny thing is so little of the drama was caused by Lila I can't blame it on having two kids. The toddler seemed to manage the chaos just fine on his own.)
The Pinnacle Of Reason
6 hours ago